Mr Black Hat

Many of our clients have had bad experiences with other agencies and SEOs, who basically didn't know what they were doing. I thought I'd write a poem from the perspective of a client with no SEO knowledge, who puts their trust in a puported search engine optimisation expert on the basis of promises of incredible results. Of course, he turns out to be bit of a black hat specialist and all-round bad SEO. The client is then forced to ask for I-COM's help:

Mr Black Hat

Please help me with my new website sir, it's gone to the dogs,
I paid a man a pretty penny, he promised riches from directories and blogs.
He opened up his laptop and pointed to the top,
"That's where you're going to be my friend, I'll throw links at it non-stop."
He said, "10 days and you'll be number 1 for all the keywords you want."
Me, I had no input on the site; I just wanted that Comic Sans font.

The days passed and still no word, my palms began to sweat,
But I trusted the boy... asking Lycos to move my site up I bet.
The days passed, even weeks, I rang the Google and nothing,
I was spending my hard earned cash on traffic? Conversions? Or something.
He rang, "I'll be there in an hour, and I've a report that'll blow your mind."
I was so confused by all the data, forget the visibility, I'm going blind.
He said, "Your website is doing well, you have 10,000 links."
My website has had no enquiries though and my Google rankings stink.
He said, "You have to pay me what you said, the contract states such matters."
I said, "My pockets are empty and you've left my website in tatters!"

So I'm calling an SEO agency and getting it all put right,
Apparently my guy was wearing a black hat, I now need something that's white.
"Can you help me with my website? Why am I linking to porn?"
"Fear not my friend we're the good guys, we've been optimising since we were born."
"We'll sit you down and explain it all, we'll get you up and running,
We have the tools in design, dev and search, so let us start something..."