Getting To Know You...

Here at I-COM, we are well known for our rigorous recruitment process. Many a candidate has crumbled under the pressure and been left weeping, rocking back and forth during interview stage, such is the intensity of our character assessments.

But we thought we'd give you an insight into the kind of questions you may face if you are lucky enough to get an interview at a top online marketing agency like us, and just how 'on your game' you need to be to impress and get a job.

Below is a transcript of a genuine* interview with four of our newest employees - SEO Consultant Emma Welsby, Project Manager Jordan Mellor, Trainee SEO Consultant Tim Smith and Systems Administrator Peter Hubberstey - which serves as an example of how to handle a high-pressure interview and provide your interrogators with a glimpse of your true personality, skills and experience with your responses. 

*Not genuine at all, obviously. 

I-COM: What's the one thing you can't live without?  

Emma Welsby: The item, funnily enough, that I lose the most - my house keys.

Jordan Mellor: Apart from the obvious, the famous words of James Dean... "Dream as if you'll live forever, live as if you'll die today". Oh, not forgetting my snowboards and the notion ‘Go Big or Go Home’    

Tim Smith: My sense of humour, as you will find out in this interview.

Pete Hubberstey: Ah! meine schöne kleine menschlichen Tausendfüßler. Seriously... My cat Lucy deserves a special mention. She’s like a live teddy and keeps me warm in bed!

I-COM: Would you rather cry glue or sneeze marbles?

EW: Crying glue sounds more like fun because then your eyelids get stuck down so then you have an excuse for sleeping no matter where you are.

JM: The frequency, power and fact I only sneeze in multiples is a danger to society, plus it is in my top 5 things to do. So crying glue it is, working on the frequency to reward ratio.  

TS: Sneeze marbles. I’d fight the pain for popularity as you could have some amazing games with the amount of marbles you produce and could even work your way up to an unbelievably good nickname such as 'The Dispenser'.

PH: Sneeze marbles. Hey, at least you get that funny-almost-pleasant tickly feeling before a sneeze!

I-COM: How did you first start working in online marketing?

EW: I was walking past the window of an office block one day and saw the free fruit in the kitchen. I walked in, grabbed a banana, took a seat and nobody said anything, I just said the words SEO, marketing and digital a lot and nobody was suspicious.  Being paid to eat the free fruit was definitely a perk of the job.

JM: I had an interview, I got a job, I went to that job, I worked hard in that job and I enjoyed that job. On a serious note, I started by designing and building websites with a friend at school and University, we sold these sites and made some money. It made sense to get more involved with an industry I enjoy, had experience in and would continue to grow.

TS: Fortunately I was lucky enough to get a summer internship here at I-COM and was offered a full-time place shortly after.

PH: Erm… I guess it all started a long, long time ago when you were a little nipper. I have always loved fixing things, and in this game people are always making changes or breaking things.

I-COM: What is your favourite thing about working in online marketing?

EW: Helping small businesses grow into big ones!

JM: The challenges faced daily, the progress, developments and growth, the social networking and the belief that one day... I will become Neo and defeat the Matrix.  

TS: My favourite thing is probably the achievement of helping businesses grow online, especially seeing the benefits for smaller businesses. It also allows me to be creative by using a wide range of skills. 

PH: It’s got to be everyone's totally screwy sense of humour!

I-COM: If you could be any animal, what would you be and why? (I'd be a honey badger)

EW: I would be a cat because I love being stroked and I could also spend my days pretending to be Top Cat the cartoon cat.

JM: Peregrine falcon, it’s the fastest animal in the world and has the freedom of the skies.

TS: A turtle, they just seem to have a great time. Honestly what do they do?

PH: A Tiger. Actually I already am ;-) grr! (Ed: Whoa, now.)

I-COM: If you were a superhero, what superpower would you have and what would be your superhero name?

EW: I would have the superpower of luck and I would be called Lady Luck........rubbish answer, sorry.

JM: To stop time with my grandfathers pocket watch - stop time when faced with dangerous situations, never be late, travel without the restriction and perform amazing magic tricks. Please note, whilst time may pass for me I wouldn’t get any older! My name: Bernard.

TS: The ability to look through ALL windows, even tinted! I’d be known as... The Observer (Ed: This answer didn't go down so well, to be honest. After all, the whole idea of windows is that you can see through them. That's one of their only functions. If you can already see through 90% of windows, why would you want a super power that enables you to see through the remaining 10%, which are mostly bathroom windows and pimp my ride-style idiot machines? Tsk.)

PH: I would be able to instantly disappear at the drop of a hat, and automagically re-appear at any chosen destination. I’d be known as ... The Ephemeral. The best part of this would be saving 3 hours off my daily commute!

I-COM: Whatever happened to brunch? Why is it not very popular anymore?

EW: Because cake o’clock was well better.

JM: I presume that breakfast got later and lunch got earlier, removing the need for a combination of the two? 

TS: As we all know brunch was once an amazing tradition which, unfortunately was always going to be around for a short period. Created by couples it was designed to be an unbelievable dining experience, however recently it has become too commercialised with groups of three or four trying to experience it at once; it was never going to work.

PH: Unlike super heroes, we’re all just too busy aren’t we?

I-COM: Where do pigs come from?

EW: Pigs come from bacon and sausages. Their mating season is November – December. Watch out for them breeding in zoos near you. I would explain how it all worked but it’s too technical even for the animal experts to understand.

JM: As a believer in Darwinism, and fitness for survival, pigs evolved from bacon – a requirement of most human carnivores to survive, with red sauce, not brown. 

TS:  Pigs were first spotted in the wild during the mid 1990’s after the highly successful film ‘Babe’ about a talking pig. However after many years and scientific evidence it was realised that pigs could not actually talk and so many families released them into the countryside or donated them to local farms.

There was also a brief spell of many pigs within city centres in 1998, coinciding with the not so popular ‘Babe Pig In The City’.

PH: Ah this one is easy.  Pigs inter-breed and do a whole host of other disgusting things... hence why I don’t eat them! (Ed: But where do the original, inter-breeding pigs come from? Hey? HEY?!) 

I-COM: Do you have a hidden talent?

EW: I can touch my face with only my right foot. *wowwww*

JM: Freestyle snowboarding – achieving a cab Brodeo 360 with Canadian bacon grab. This will mean nothing to most readers.

TS: Yes, I am incredibly good at mime.

PH: Hey, I can touch my face with my left foot (Emma is that not normal?!).  I play the piano too... but not with my feet!

 I-COM: My name means 'healthy butcher', what does yours mean?

EW: Apparently Emma means ‘strong’ but is more literally translated into ‘whole’ or ‘universal’. That makes me sound really cool.

JM: 'Down-flowing' – just like that famous Palestinian river.  

TS: According to Google my name is ‘God Loving Metal Worker’ unfortunately I’m really not living up to my name.

PH: It means I’m as solid as a rock! Seriously!

I-COM: Why do birds suddenly appear?

EW: Because you only notice them when they are laughing their heads off after having left you a dirty present on your person, usually.

JM: Birds navigate this earth on a 3D axis, using the sun, landmarks and magnetic fields to get from nest to nest and worm to worm. We generate our very own magnetic field which birds are tuned into. Some people generate a greater magnetic field than others – particularly with iron rich individuals; every time they are near, birds will suddenly appear…Really? I have no idea.  

TS: Because my scent attracts birds. That, or it’s the fact I always have bread in my pockets.

PH: Because you’re near. They long to be close to you.

I-COM: What's the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to you?

EW: Collecting a certificate for my school at a competition except I accidentally picked up another school’s certificate. 

JM: Growing a moustache for Movember having just started at I-COM – what must they think.

TS: This summer I was robbed on holiday within 3 hours of being in Spain. They took my clothes as I went swimming in the sea. As a result I decided to chase the culprit in just my boxers until I was tackled by a policeman screaming “streakier!!” Have to say not a great moment.

PH: Erm… playing the piano in a concert and stupidly not reading the music but playing from memory.  At the end of a second repeat, I couldn’t remember if I’d repeated or not, so I did another “Da Capo”. People got a slightly longer Beethoven Sonata than they planned for and I was shaking and bright red. Eek.

I-COM: My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, what does your milkshake bring to the table?

EW: Who needs boys when you can have Crusha in your life!!! Nom nom nom

JM: I can teach you but I have to charge.

TS: More boys, but damn right, they’re better than yours.

PH: My ex, probably!